Brains behind the Fun

#misfits, adolescent, students, Uncategorized

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Orange Conference is coming!

Seriously, I look forward to this all year.  Orange definitely knows how to throw a party. There is great music, lots of fun, and ton of wisdom thrown at you.

That’s what I love about Orange. They’re smart and know what they’re talking about.

As someone who has been to countless training’s by leading experts in fields of youth and child development, education, psychology and sociology, Orange blows me away with their information. The “It’s Just a Phase” materials are an awesome resource that blends so many areas of knowledge into one place. I often find myself in a training at some other conference and I can say “I know that already.” The reason I can is because Orange has been looking at best practices and how to integrate those into their resources for years.

They are great people that want to partner with you to see kids come to know Jesus and to see your ministry flourish.  Orange is pushing the boundaries of what it means to be the church to our neighbors and to one another. The best speakers assemble at Orange conference to inspire and inform us all in the best way to walk through life with our youth. They want to see us be in the fight with them.

And it’s not too late. If you’ve never been to Orange Conference make it a priority for 2018. If you have, who can you bring with you to share the experience with? Here’s a secret you can save $70 on the conference if you sign up by December 14th.

What are you waiting for? Go! You’ll be able to take your ministry to the next level with the wisdom that gets shared at Orange Conference.

Self

#misfits, adolescent, community, Family Ministry, purpose, students, Uncategorized

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Sometimes youth simply need space to figure things out on their own. Come on, this one shouldn’t be a surprise to you. Think back to when you were a teenager. No matter how many times someone told you not to do something or warned you about the “severe consequences” of this or that, chances are you still did it.

One of the basic needs for youth is to “experiment to discover self, gain independence and to gain control over one’s life.” In other words, youth need space to try to figure out who they are.

This can be very difficult for some people, especially parents. Hopefully, a trust has been formed through giving youth the other basic needs that you can put some slack out on the reigns.  Think about it for a moment, you’ve helped give you safety and structure, given them a place to belong and helped them develop self-worth; they should be getting a great glimpse of their identity.

Youth will try to test that out. This is the experiment phase as adults we dread for our young people. They can engage in risk-taking behavior, question their faith, question authority and in their journey of self-discovery have the potential to miss the mark completely.

It takes caring adults to walk with youth in these moments. Adults who will act as waypoints when youth lose their way; to be a lighthouse calling the ships back from sea.

I love the stories I’ve heard recently about parents creating codes with their kids so the kids can have a way out of a tough situation. The teen will text their parents, older siblings, or even you, the code word and in response they would call the teen saying that they are coming to get them it is an emergency, or some other excuse. See, youth often know that they may not want to be in a situation, they need that independence to make that choice themselves, and sometimes they just need an escape plan. This plan works great because the teen has an escape but feels safe because the parents establish trust enough not to ask the teen questions and punish them. What steps can you take to help the youth around you get a sense of independence?

Hang tough as the youth who you work with are on this journey of self-discovery. Call out the greatness you see in them. Walk with them in the messes they make and help them figure out how to clean it up best. This is how teens learn to handle all the stress, poor decisions and chaos that life can throw at them. It is scary, but love them and pray like crazy.

Do Something

#misfits, adolescent, community, Family Ministry, Student Ministry, students, Uncategorized

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When I talk with youth workers about how to engage youth I talk about the BIG 3. These are three questions that youth wrestle with:

  1. Who am I?
  2. Where do I belong?
  3. What am I to do?

The first question deals with identity; the second, community and the third question deals with purpose.

A basic youth need is to develop self-worth through meaningful contribution.

For youth workers that means to help youth find their voice, find their passion and get involved. Youth should find their purpose and figure out how to use that purpose in a way that is bigger than themselves.

This contribution often looks different for each youth. It is unique because of who the youth is and where they feel they want to get involved. Maybe it is a local youth council, volunteering at church or at a community center,  or being part of school activities.

Youth simply need to know that they can contribute something to the world. That who they are, and the things they can do, matters to the world around them.

Not sure how to get the ball rolling in helping youth get plugged in somewhere? Ask them some good questions, what they like to do, what are some of their talents and passions? For instance, if a young man loves basketball try to see if he could volunteer to coach young kids.

You are a great resource for youth because you are able to see some of these connections better than them and have your own social network to tap into to get them involved. As you walk with youth help them to leave a mark on the community they are a part of.

#Basic

#misfits, adolescent, community, Family Ministry, life, purpose, Student Ministry, students, systems, team building, Uncategorized

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As youth workers we often get the privilege of watching a youth grow over multiple years. Friends over at Orange have broken these down in what they call Phases. Each phase has unique strengths and challenges for that age group.  Youth are often asking similar questions and have similar concerns that are unique to that particular phase. Many moons ago, Dr. Gisela Konopka, helped pioneer the way for youth development and helped generate eight basic needs that all youth need to develop in a healthy way. Over the next few weeks I want to look at each of these basic needs, why they are so important and ways that you can help youth that you work with meet these needs. The eight basic needs for healthy youth development are:

  1. Feels Sense of Safety and Structure
  2. Experience active participation, group membership, and belonging.
  3. Develop self-worth through meaningful contribution
  4. Experiment to discover self, gain independence, and gain control over ones life
  5. Develop significant quality relationships with peers and at least one adult
  6. Discuss conflicting values and navigate their own values
  7. Feel pride of competence and mastery
  8. Expand their capacity to enjoy life and know that success is possible

Before we dive into the how we can help youth attain these important developmental needs, we should evaluate where we are currently.

First, when you think of youth development what do you think of? What does it sound and look like?  what experiences are important? What do youth value? What does it feel like? Jot some ideas down and hang it up somewhere.

When you were a youth, which of these were important to you? They all have an importance to the eight basic needs of youth.

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Finally, what is your program doing right now to meet some of these needs?

When we are able to help meet the needs of our youth, we are able to better walk with them through their lives. As we look through these basic needs, we are able to improve our practices and our programs to allow for youth to have a place to belong.

Party Time

#misfits, adolescent, church, community, Family Ministry, life, organizational strategy, students, Uncategorized

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We all have the one type of kid we wish we could connect into our programs.

She’s the cheerleader and bible study leader, the captain of the sports team, the influencers and role models of the youth we hope to influence. They would be the core kids and the leadership team members. Just think, if we could influence the influencers, oh the possibilities.

Sometimes they come, and sometimes, they don’t.

We can get so wrapped up in these kids we forget about the ones who do come. Who show up consistently, who feel they belong, who need a connection to Jesus and to an adult that will give a crap about them.

This story popped in my mind this morning, it’s in Luke 14:15-24

In the story, a man decides to throw a dinner party. My imagination takes me to the blowout bash of the year.  The event has great party gifts, Gordon Ramsay is cooking food, Jay-Z and Beyonce are providing entertainment and there is an A list guest list.

And no one shows.

They all have something else to do, some other event, some other priority that takes their time.

When the man threw the party, he had an expectation of the type of people he wanted there, and who would come. They didn’t.

Then the invitation went you. The Misfits came. The homeless and wretched came. Those from far off came to the party.

What if you are planning events and programs for people who won’t show up? They have sports practices, school assignments, time with friends and family, and other priorities that eat at time.

What if the perspective changes? What if we send out for the Misfits and the wretched? The ones in your group who show up and need your group to connect them to Jesus, to one another and to adults who will champion for them. What if we made it a safe place for all youth to come and they don’t need to fit a certain mold or expectation we put on them.

Party with the youth who are there, celebrate with them, share your life with them, help them discover the purpose of their own life, and point them to Jesus.

Orange Quotables

#misfits, adolescent, church, community, empathy, Family Ministry, Ministry, organizational strategy, Student Ministry, students, Uncategorized

The Monday after Orange and I am still processing all the awesome stuff that happened at Orange. I am thinking about the students I work with, my neighbors, the city I live in and my own ministry. I posted the notes to the sessions I attended in these blogs.

#OC17 Rundown 17.1

#OC17 Rundown 17.2

Here are some quotes that stood out to me amongst all the wisdom shared at Orange Conference 2017.

Love everybody, always.

    -Bob Goff

I’m not trying to be right anymore, Im trying to be Jesus.

    -Bob Goff

Following Jesus means leading a life that will be constantly misunderstood.

    -Bob Goff

If the church doesn’t do this, then who does.

    -Nicole Fulham Baker

Something powerful happens when neighbors who aren’t for the church, realize the church is still for them.

    – Jeff Henderson

If we listen long enough, we’ll hear someones pain.

    – Ryan Leak

When we can show up for yourselves, and surround ourselves with others who believe in us, we can find the possibility within us.

    – Mike Foster

I have to do this, because this matters, they matter.

    – David Tieche

This is what we need: adults who will take extreme ownership for problems they did not create, for kids that are not theirs, and say “I will solve it” even though it is not their responsibility.

    – David Tieche

This is the sacred task of youth workers, we get to call out the essence the youth we work with.

    -Dave Tieche

In every case if a teenager has an asset it is because a caring adult has given it to them

    -Dave Tieche

God is in love with people, you cannot dismiss people and be ok with God.

    -Andy Stanley

When you approach this new way, of loving people the way Jesus loves you, all the old loopholes and questions and excuses close.

    -Andy Stanley

I can’t just try to keep kids entertained and attending, I’ve got to challenge them to serve and to minister.

    – Doug Field

Mr. Rodgers didn’t qualify who his neighbor was. Neither did Jesus.

    -Jon Acuff

We never let parents, parent alone.

    – Carlos Whittaker

The next generation needs someone who has gone before them to be for them.

    – Gerald Fadayomi

There are no ordinary children.

    – Danielle Strickland

Sometimes it takes a party, to change how we see each other.

Sometimes it takes a party to demonstrate that God cares about people who party.

Sometimes it takes a party, to confirm that we can always be forgiven.

Sometimes it takes a party, to prove that people matter more than our opinions.

Sometimes it takes a party, to remind us all that everyone is invited to the party.

Start a party.

    – Reggie Joiner

Students need consistent opportunities to love and serve others and to coach them while they do it

    -Reggie Joiner

#OC17 Rundown 17.2

#misfits, adolescent, church, community, Family Ministry, Ministry, misfits, stories, Student Ministry, students, systems, Uncategorized, volunteer

 

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First things first. YOU HAVE TO HEAD TO ORANGE STORE!!!

https://secure.orangestore.org/

It is packed with some awesome resources, curriculum, strategy and advice. Take a few minutes to look through everything, make a wish list, ask for it, and then ask Orange Specialists for advice. They are great at helping ministry flourish in communities and wrestling with the difficulties alongside you.

Main Session 2

The main session this morning was awesome. Orange introduced us to some new friends and some familiar faces.

This morning we were introduced to Lucas Leys, founder of e625. He is influencer and change maker for people working alongside and in the hispanic culture. He had some points to share about the current state of the hispanic culture in the U.S. A huge thing that got to me was that the hispanic culture is fearful, but eager to engage with the Gospel around them. Then an old friend of Orange, Andy Stanley, then came out and dropped some knowledge. He talked about the Old Testatment, Vertical Morality, versus what Jesus brought to the table, a Horizontal Morality. The Horizontal Morality simply asks the question, “What does love require of me.” This question, though simple, is more demanding of our faith. It forces us to engage the people around us in new ways that demonstrate the love of Jesus in our communities and to our neighbors.

Moving High Schoolers to Be Neighbor Minded

Doug Fields @DougFields

Doug Field is a wealth of knowledge on everything Student Ministry. This session Doug talked about how we as churches need to change our measuring stick of success. We have to move from a numbers based approach and look at how our students are serving and ministering to the communities they are a part of. Doug highlight his SHAPE strategy to help students discover their gifts and where to put them for their own success. When our goal is to create students who have a passion for seeing a need and meeting it with love, they become more neighborly, more like Jesus.

At Risk Teens

David Tieche @DaveTieche

It was great connecting with David for a few minutes before his session.  He blew this session out of the water has he talked about best practices for dealing with teens labeled ‘at-risk.’ Dave talked about how a teens external and internal assets impact their choices in life. The more assets a teen has the less likely they are to engage in risk-taking behavior. Where do teens get these assets from? Caring adults. Dave gave out some great tips for working with teens, best practices and simple questions to start the conversation.

Partnering with Schools in the Intercity Untitled 4

Nicole Baker Fulgham @nicolebfulgham

Being an educator I have always looked for ways to partner with schools in the community. There is a need for time, people, and skills. When churches can connect with schools in a way that respects the mission of the school great things happen. Nicole Baker Fulgham shared strategies for working with intercity schools. Something that I am personally taking away is to get informed about the city, the community, you are a part of, especially when it relates to multi-cultural issues.

#OC17 is HERE

adolescent, church, community, Family Ministry, Ministry, organizational strategy, Student Ministry, students

I am sitting in the airport right now about to board for ATLANTA!!! I am super stoked to being going to Orange this year. The theme is “For Our Neighbors” and we are talking about what it looks like for churches to be bridges to the community and to engage the places that we go home to, where we work and where we play.

Head here to RSVP to check out the Livestream of the Conference

https://whatisorange.leadpages.co/oc17-rsvp/

I will be on social media through Misfit_Min on both Twitter and Instagram and will be blogging daily with what I was learning that day.

My good friends over at @YMSidekick and @tapounder are some great people to look at to keep updated

Follow the hashtag #OC17 to see what is going on throughout the conference

BONUS*

Every morning check out the podcast YMSidekick for a breakdown of the previous day! You’ll hear from me and my friends

 

 

Bullied

#misfits, adolescent, church, community, empathy, life, students, Uncategorized


bullied

I’ve been dealing with bullying a lot this week. Sometimes, people are just plain mean to each other. I am not always sure how to handle it and many times the students involved and the circumstances dictate the approach that you use. Something in me fires up when dealing with kids that are being bullied. When you dive into the issues though you often discover that both the victim and the bully need guidance and support.

This week a girl was crying in the hallway after she got punched and filed a report. I walked her down to the nurse to get some ice and just started asking what happened. She relayed her story and to be honest, some adults messed up in the story too. When she was asking her to tell her story I would make sure to have my phone away and then when she took a breathe I would recap what I was hearing so far. Practicing empathetic listening can go along way with someone who is being bullied. I got the information then I decided to communicate with people that needed to get involved further with disciplinary actions. I just made sure she was safe, she had a need met, and was simply heard.

During mediations with students sometimes kids rekindle past frustrations. When someone is amped up and quickly talking, on the verge of yelling, simply ask “can you slow down, I want to help?” This quick statement helps them to acknowledge they need to slow down but in a way that is non-threatening and allows you to say that you are here to help out. Allow for everyone speak, they should try to stick to their side of the story and how it made them feel and act. I ask a lot of clarifying questions and ask why a lot. It helps students to process their emotions and the situation at hand. I try to bring the bullies into a place of empathy with who they bullied, even with a small connection.

Often times, something is going on in the life of the bully that drives them to bullying behavior. I try to talk with them on the side quietly. I ask them questions about life, the emotions they are feeling and process why they would want to hurt someone else. You would be surprised at home many students lash out simply because they themselves have been bullied or hurt someone else simply to feel better about themselves. These can sometimes be tough because there is a misconception about bullies, being tough, and showing off for peers. Building a relationship with the bully is just as important as showing up for the victim. It can change a life.

When working with students you will encounter bullying. Social media, physical, verbal attacks, groups gossiping and even fights. How you step into the hurts of these students tell them a lot of you and about themselves. Be a bridge builder between people, develop their empathy towards one another and walk with them in the hurt.

Art of the Ask

#misfits, church, community, Family Ministry, misfits, organizational strategy, students, systems, team building, Uncategorized, volunteer

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Many of us are in the need of help with something. Some of us need volunteers, others need financial help and others are simply looking for ways to connect with people through an organization. Sometimes I just comes down to the ask, but don’t get me wrong, that ask can be tough. It is a mental game and you really just don’t want to be annoying. When going to ask someone to help, give or just connect here a few thoughts to go in with.

I don’t think I have ever just cold called someone and asked them to be part of what I was doing. I always try to connect with them without my own agenda. I like to get to know them as people and what they enjoy doing. Asking someone to help isn’t manipulating them if you are invested them as an individual over your own agenda. I try not to get selfish with only seeing them helping me out but by getting to know them I can help put them in a place for them to thrive with others. They may not be a fit for the direction you’re going, but you may know someone who they could help considerably.

After getting to know people on a friendly basis I just ask them to meet up and may let them know that I want them to think about helping out. Before I do I really sit and  think through what I am asking that person to contribute. Is it time, their talents, or asking them to give financially.I try to get specific. For instance, instead of asking for money, I tell them about how we need a new printer, or instead of saying I need a new volunteer I talk to them about role they would be filling. I have a clearly defined role planned out, with expectations, for people to understand what they may be committing too before I ask. I try to think through their questions and have some answers. When you have a better handle on what you are asking from people, they get a clearer idea of it too.

I always try to share with them why I feel they would be a great fit. I share with them somethings that I have seen from them already. I talked to them about our need and how they can help. I share stories. Stories are a great way to connect with people. They help connect us to one another and to the mission of where we are going. I try to tell them stories of why I got involved, of other volunteers or success stories that we have seen.

Then, I let them make the choice. I don’t twist their arm, or guilt them into saying yes. I pray hard. I take what they can give and leverage that for wins. Sometimes, a yes to a small ask will lead to a yes to a bigger ask, later down the road.

So what do you need to move forward in your ministry? In your life? In your next steps? Who can you ask to walk alongside with you. Don’t be afraid to ask. Walk with people with no agenda, have a clear idea of how they an help you or someone else, share with them a vision of thriving and then let them do the rest. Be bold in your ask and you’ll be surprised at how people come through.