Vlogging Week!!

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summerVlog

 

We are participating with a bunch of friends in a video blogging week. This week we have Cory Sullivan talking about how to follow up with people after a key recruiting or community event. Following up is crucial to growing your influence in any ministry or program that you might run. The big idea is to think strategically before your event in order to know how to follow up after it.

 

Be sure to check out our friends at:

http://ymsidekick.com/

http://www.averageyouthministry.com/

http://www.stanrodda.com/blog/

Habits

#misfits, church, community, Family Ministry, Ministry, Uncategorized

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     Last week we introduced you to the book ‘Your Best Us’ by our friend Ted Lowe. This week we wanted to give you an insiders look at how the book can impact your marriage. By no means is this a cheat sheet, in the book each one of the four habits is dived into and gives tips to put them into practice and personalize your journey. Your Best Us helped us look at where we are at in our marriage and pick things to work on. These four habits help us to increase the connection we have in our marriage and we hope to point other couples to practice these habits too. 

Habit 1: Have Serious Fun

“One of the best ways to protect your marriage is to enjoy your marriage.”

     Your marriage should be fun. This habit defies some of the common barriers that stop us from having fun. In our marriage, it is busyness and exhaustion. Sometimes, we are just too tired to enjoy one another and would rather go to bed. This stops us from simply talking and connecting for the day. To practice having fun we continued our weekly tradition of Date Night. For us it is Monday night (unless talked about before hand) and we go out to eat and go do something together. It gives us our own time, allows us to talk with one another, ask each other questions and dream together.

Habit 2: Put God First

“When our connection with God is growing it postures us to love others better than we could ever love them on our own.”

     Habit 2 finds us getting back to our basics. It simply asks the question “how are you and Jesus doing?” This habit rekindles our love for God which in turn rekindles our love for our spouses. If you are finding yourself in a rut lately, start up a new reading plan, pray (pray alone or with your spouse),  or join a small group at your church. These small steps can help you discover the Us in your marriage.

Habit 3: Respect & Love

“Our spouses reveal the brokenness in us”

“hurtful words from broken people, write lies on our hearts”

     We were introduced to this idea in our pre-marital counseling. We are two broken people, with hurts, habits and hang ups, coming together in marriage. Things can get intense. From the words you use, the tone you use, or simply leaving the fridge open too long. Sometimes, we don’t think the best of our spouses. Respect & Love helps us to identify the cycle of negativity that separates us from connecting with one another. When we can identify the negative cycle, action can be taken to start working on replacing the negativity (and lies we believe about ourselves) with positive truths.

Habit 4: Practice Your Promise

“We can chose to love better.”

     Standing in front of a room of friends and family, we took vows together. It is these promises that we need to practice. This habit simply challenges us to ask the question: WHAT AM I DOING TO MAKE THIS MARRIAGE WORK? It gets us out of the victim mentality, that “woe is me,” that blames the other person. It helps us to take ownership of our promise to our spouse and to simply show up.

     It was great reading this book together and simply talking about how to become the BEST US. Go to MarriedPeople to learn about how you can empower couples and pick up your copy of “Your Best Us

Our Best Us

#misfits, Family Ministry, Uncategorized

happycouple

 

As someone who recognizes that we are not perfect, that we deserve a second chance and should pursue our passions, I was excited to find a wife that felt the same way. My wife and I have both recognized that we want our marriage to be different than those we have seen and want to be examples to other marriages around us. Our friend Ted Lowe helped by writing a book called ‘Your Best Us.’ Ted and I were hanging out at Orange Conference this year and we started talking about marriage, millennials, and ways to impact the world. Ted challenged me to read the book, along with my wife. 

I love the idea behind ‘Your Best Us’. My wife and I have always wanted and strived to improve on the marriages we have seen, learn from both successes and failures of others, and work together in our marriage. The Best Us is unique in that it doesn’t want couples to compares themselves to some cookie-cutter image of what marriage should be like. This week and next week, we’ll talk about the book and what we have learned along the way. 

The book introduces us to Ted, his wife, and four core habits that have help Ted run successful marriage ministries and help him in his marriage to his wife. The habits of your marriage are important. A few weeks ago, my wife and I simply said we just needed to start by pausing whatever is going on to give a kind word to one another or to just do a random act of kindness for each other to help create a positive spin on our day. That simple acknowledgement that we needed to work on something together has helped us a lot. Ted writes that “your marital habits either lead to the connection, or the disconnection, of your US.”  Abbi and I both are trying to work on the habits that lead to greater connectivity between us. We love the four core habits to build of, have serious fun, love God first, love & respect and practicing our promise. The book helps you put these habits in your marriage by helping you talk about them and practice them over a week. We have learned a lot and want to share some of the things we learned along the way next week.

We want our marriage to be our story. We are excited to have started reading and talking about what good habits look like in our marriage and how to better love one another. Check out MarriedPeople for more information and head over to Orange Store to get your copy.

Don’t Forget the Parents

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Parents and families are crucial.

In addressing the needs of youth, there has to be ways to support parents and families, helping them to engage in the success of their children. This looks different in every situation. There is no magic solution that covers all the situations that families face. 

The one thing that allows works is proximity and dialogue. Be close to the kids, and the families that hold them so dear. Look for needs that you can help meet.

A mom of one of the young men that I spend time with has cancer. She gets tired a lot. She takes care of him, a baby sister, works and fights off a disease. So, I take the kids out for a meal, let her get some rest or just some stuff done around the house. It is a small thing that has a big impact.

Maybe the youth has a tough time reading. How can you help the family to encourage and engage that youth in their ability to read? Can you help them with books, or show them ways to improve their reading, or simply suggesting a reading time for the kids.

We forget that the parents and families of youth we work with are also going through things. When then families are healthy, the youth are healthy.

Rally

#misfits, church, community, Family Ministry, misfits, Student Ministry, Uncategorized

rally

 

The problems we face as individuals, neighborhoods, cities and as a nation, we cannot face them alone.

It takes a group of people, united in a common vision, to tackle problems that are as complex as we are as people. It is the same in working with youth,  it truly takes a village.

There are so many people who can speak into the lives of youth and so many available resources. Somehow in the quantity of it all, people have fallen victim to the bystander effect. The idea that someone else will offer help, someone else will step up, someone else will champion for that youth, simply because they are around. In the end, since everyone has fallen to bystander effect, nothing is done and we grow more apathetic.

As student champions we must rally all the adults in a students life to work together.

No matter the organization in which you are dealing with youth, there are other adults that can influence the same child you work with. Their parents, grandparents, teachers, coaches, mentors, aunt and uncles and even the guy at the gym their son tries to emulate. There is greater potential for influencing the life of a child when we rally together.

I have been working and researching a lot on at-risk youth the past year. The single biggest idea that I continue to come across is the more positive connections a youth has in their community, the more likely they will experience positive outcomes.

Think about that one kid that you love so much but somehow they just don’t see your vision for them in their life. Who are some other adults you can rally around them? Start of with their parents. Ask how you can help. Talk to them about what you see in their child and you want to make potential, a reality. Connect with other people, build a network of connections and people who want to see youth flourish. We cannot afford to be islands, isolated people, trying to influence youth. We must work together, collaborate, share ideas and resources in order to impact the lives of our younger friends. 

Orange Quotables

#misfits, adolescent, church, community, empathy, Family Ministry, Ministry, organizational strategy, Student Ministry, students, Uncategorized

The Monday after Orange and I am still processing all the awesome stuff that happened at Orange. I am thinking about the students I work with, my neighbors, the city I live in and my own ministry. I posted the notes to the sessions I attended in these blogs.

#OC17 Rundown 17.1

#OC17 Rundown 17.2

Here are some quotes that stood out to me amongst all the wisdom shared at Orange Conference 2017.

Love everybody, always.

    -Bob Goff

I’m not trying to be right anymore, Im trying to be Jesus.

    -Bob Goff

Following Jesus means leading a life that will be constantly misunderstood.

    -Bob Goff

If the church doesn’t do this, then who does.

    -Nicole Fulham Baker

Something powerful happens when neighbors who aren’t for the church, realize the church is still for them.

    – Jeff Henderson

If we listen long enough, we’ll hear someones pain.

    – Ryan Leak

When we can show up for yourselves, and surround ourselves with others who believe in us, we can find the possibility within us.

    – Mike Foster

I have to do this, because this matters, they matter.

    – David Tieche

This is what we need: adults who will take extreme ownership for problems they did not create, for kids that are not theirs, and say “I will solve it” even though it is not their responsibility.

    – David Tieche

This is the sacred task of youth workers, we get to call out the essence the youth we work with.

    -Dave Tieche

In every case if a teenager has an asset it is because a caring adult has given it to them

    -Dave Tieche

God is in love with people, you cannot dismiss people and be ok with God.

    -Andy Stanley

When you approach this new way, of loving people the way Jesus loves you, all the old loopholes and questions and excuses close.

    -Andy Stanley

I can’t just try to keep kids entertained and attending, I’ve got to challenge them to serve and to minister.

    – Doug Field

Mr. Rodgers didn’t qualify who his neighbor was. Neither did Jesus.

    -Jon Acuff

We never let parents, parent alone.

    – Carlos Whittaker

The next generation needs someone who has gone before them to be for them.

    – Gerald Fadayomi

There are no ordinary children.

    – Danielle Strickland

Sometimes it takes a party, to change how we see each other.

Sometimes it takes a party to demonstrate that God cares about people who party.

Sometimes it takes a party, to confirm that we can always be forgiven.

Sometimes it takes a party, to prove that people matter more than our opinions.

Sometimes it takes a party, to remind us all that everyone is invited to the party.

Start a party.

    – Reggie Joiner

Students need consistent opportunities to love and serve others and to coach them while they do it

    -Reggie Joiner

#OC17 Rundown 17.2

#misfits, adolescent, church, community, Family Ministry, Ministry, misfits, stories, Student Ministry, students, systems, Uncategorized, volunteer

 

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First things first. YOU HAVE TO HEAD TO ORANGE STORE!!!

https://secure.orangestore.org/

It is packed with some awesome resources, curriculum, strategy and advice. Take a few minutes to look through everything, make a wish list, ask for it, and then ask Orange Specialists for advice. They are great at helping ministry flourish in communities and wrestling with the difficulties alongside you.

Main Session 2

The main session this morning was awesome. Orange introduced us to some new friends and some familiar faces.

This morning we were introduced to Lucas Leys, founder of e625. He is influencer and change maker for people working alongside and in the hispanic culture. He had some points to share about the current state of the hispanic culture in the U.S. A huge thing that got to me was that the hispanic culture is fearful, but eager to engage with the Gospel around them. Then an old friend of Orange, Andy Stanley, then came out and dropped some knowledge. He talked about the Old Testatment, Vertical Morality, versus what Jesus brought to the table, a Horizontal Morality. The Horizontal Morality simply asks the question, “What does love require of me.” This question, though simple, is more demanding of our faith. It forces us to engage the people around us in new ways that demonstrate the love of Jesus in our communities and to our neighbors.

Moving High Schoolers to Be Neighbor Minded

Doug Fields @DougFields

Doug Field is a wealth of knowledge on everything Student Ministry. This session Doug talked about how we as churches need to change our measuring stick of success. We have to move from a numbers based approach and look at how our students are serving and ministering to the communities they are a part of. Doug highlight his SHAPE strategy to help students discover their gifts and where to put them for their own success. When our goal is to create students who have a passion for seeing a need and meeting it with love, they become more neighborly, more like Jesus.

At Risk Teens

David Tieche @DaveTieche

It was great connecting with David for a few minutes before his session.  He blew this session out of the water has he talked about best practices for dealing with teens labeled ‘at-risk.’ Dave talked about how a teens external and internal assets impact their choices in life. The more assets a teen has the less likely they are to engage in risk-taking behavior. Where do teens get these assets from? Caring adults. Dave gave out some great tips for working with teens, best practices and simple questions to start the conversation.

Partnering with Schools in the Intercity Untitled 4

Nicole Baker Fulgham @nicolebfulgham

Being an educator I have always looked for ways to partner with schools in the community. There is a need for time, people, and skills. When churches can connect with schools in a way that respects the mission of the school great things happen. Nicole Baker Fulgham shared strategies for working with intercity schools. Something that I am personally taking away is to get informed about the city, the community, you are a part of, especially when it relates to multi-cultural issues.

OC#17 Rundown 17.1

#misfits, church, community, Family Ministry, Ministry, stories, Student Ministry, Uncategorized

Orange Conference hasn’t even started yet but I am already feeling excited and pumped for the next few days. Today, the YouLead Breakouts gave us just a taste of what’s to come. The first session was called “Understanding Social Justice in the City” from Sean Watkins. Then, I went to see Jon Acuff give some tips and advice in order to “Talk Better Now.” The mxain session was awesome as always with a lot of great speakers bring out the best of the theme For Our Neighbors. Here are some of the BIG ideas from both Sean Watkins and Jon Acuff and the rundown on the Opening Session.

Social Justice in City

Sean came out right and said that, “our calling as parents, our vocation as youth ministry leaders, is incomplete if we do not address social justice issues.”

Going through Nehemiah as a guide to leadership, character and how to do social justice reform in our communities Sean broke down how leaders can engage the communities around them. The issues in our cities, in our communities, that are evident to people around us should break your heart, should make you angry as it breaks Gods own heart and angers Him. We begin to engage the communities around use first by becoming more aware. We must lament and grieve to the injustices in the cities and communities we are a part of. That we should engage the least of these in a way that honors the fact that God is so portrayed as a stranger needing hospitality. Ask yourself questions that raise your own awareness about social justice issues and those around you. Who is missing from your programs? Who has come and not returned? Why? What are the social justice issues in the city? Once we are aware, we know, and knowing is half the battle. We must continue to strive to understand the context of social justice issues through the historical lens of our cities, understand the biblical mandate to engage in these issues and to look for ways to meet a need. From awareness, to action to advocacy. We must advocate for these issues that impact the lives of people we encounter. We cannot afford to simply not be racist but we must be anti-racism by advocating for those impacted by racism in our communities. Bring people along with you in this journey, be honest with where you are in it yourself. Find organizations that are combating these issues and work hand-in-hand with them.

Sean did a great job of clarify issues, giving us a biblical understanding of social justice and equipping us to take the next steps. Check out his, and others, podcast at Voices from the Margins. Sean works for Intervarsity and can be reached at sean.watkins@intervarsity.org or followed on twitter @seanisfearless

Talk Better Now

Most people get excited to hear Jon Acuff speak. I am no different. I walk away with something new to motivate me, a new technique to try at work or that little nudge to push me past my comfort zone. Jon gave a quick and dirty rundown on simple ways he prepares to give speeches and tips for listeners to be more successful.

Jon gave the audience some points on being a better speaker. His first point was to simply know your audience. This helps you to connect with someone through a message. Ask the host questions like what should you avoid in the speech, what is the audience going through, what are they excited about. These questions help formulate a better understanding of the audience, develops empathy with them and allows the audience to connect in a deeper way. His next tip was to play to your strengths. Simply write out your speech, then edit later. They are two different things and shouldn’t be done in unison. Using that template create main islands and bridges that connect those main ideas. Predict where there will be pushback from your audience on ideas and explain them in a way that they acknowledges their pushback but also challenges them. Be authentic in your talk. People, especially teenagers, can smell dishonest a mile aware and can be pretty unforgiving. When speaking, read the room and use tension through changing rhythms to tailor your talk to the audience. Practice until it is almost perfect and then make sure you enjoy the process, or the audience won’t either. A huge idea that Jon talked about was the speaking is a form of serving. That it is his goal to communicate an idea in such a way that it equips the leaders with something they can take way with them. That peoples response should be, “it was like you were reading my diary, you understood what I was going through.”

Jon has so much to give about being an effective communicator. He has a tone of great books out and is always on twitter @JonAcuff.

MainSession

Opening session saw some awesome speakers light up our world and get ready to start a party. Jon Acuff, Carlos Whittaker, Gerald Fadayomi, Danielle Strickland and Reggie Joiner all brought their voices. Ways to see our neighbors, to help parents, listen to students, see people in a fresh way and how to start a party. We are FOR OUR NEIGHBORS

Click the section headings for Notes on sessions and connect with Orange using the hashtag #OC17

Books!

#misfits, church, community, Family Ministry, life, purpose, stories, Student Ministry, team building, Uncategorized

books

 

I love reading. Every time I do I learn something new, take a adventure, get some crazy ideas and grow in confidence in a new area. Over the past few years there are a few different books that I wanted to share with you all that have helped me grow as a leader, teacher, mentor, and husband. They have helped me to influence other people and challenged me to grow closer to God. Here are a few essentials to add to your reading list.

My Utmost, His Highest – Oswald Chambers

https://www.amazon.com/My-Utmost-His-Highest-Paperback/dp/1572937718/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=HW3E38186B4CMJVQJEG5

I have loved this devotional since college. My friend Louie put it in my hands and he always referred to Oswald Chambers as Ozzy. I have probably read this book through and through seven or eight times and it never gets old. It is like a spiritual kick to the face and helps me to navigate life. It is a great addition to your daily readings and you can download it as an app. It has challenged me to grow in my faith and become closer with God. 

Wild at Heart – John Eldridge

https://www.amazon.com/Wild-Heart-Revised-Updated-Discovering/dp/1400200393/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1492469417&sr=1-1&keywords=wild+at+heart

I read this book yearly. Again, Louie gave me my first copy and it has helped me to understand faith, my part in Gods bigger story and how to find an authentic manhood. It is one of the few books I have multiple copies of simply to give away to people (seriously, you want one let me know it’s yours). Reading this book has helped to understand my personal struggles, my role as a man in this world and helped me to see who God has created me to be. 

7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Stephen R. Covey

https://www.amazon.com/Habits-Highly-Effective-People-Powerful/dp/1451639619/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1492469433&sr=1-1&keywords=7+Habits+of+Highly+Effective+People

The first time I read this was with a bunch of youth pastors looking for ways to step up our game. It was impactful in ways that I cannot describe. Even today when I am feeling overwhelmed I think about the four quadrants and where I am currently in (if you don’t know what I am talking about you should pick this book up!). It helps me to be a more strategic person, a better decision maker, become more mindful about my work and has allowed me to stay organize and focused. I am not perfect and don’t have all 7 down to a science, but I try and find that they help me out a lot. 

Love Does – Bob Goff

https://www.amazon.com/Love-Does-Discover-Secretly-Incredible/dp/1400203759/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1492469466&sr=1-1&keywords=Love+Does

Through reading ‘Love Does’ I was inspired to step out of my comfort zone and love other people in a more impactful way. Bob shares a vignette every chapter that helps me to see God in a better way, connects my personal story to Gods narrative, and allows me to dream up new ways to simply love people. It helped me to see that loving people is easier than we think, we just have to have the courage to do it. Bob is funny, loves people and is always up for an adventure. 

Lead Small – Reggie Joiner

https://www.amazon.com/Lead-Small-Ideas-Every-Leader/dp/0985411627/ref=sr_1_sc_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1492469482&sr=1-1-spell&keywords=LeadSmall

I felt like Lead Small was the last kick in the butt I needed to finally realize it is ALL about relationships. Life, ministry, you name it, it is about connecting with people in order to have a greater impact than you can imagine. Lead Small is a cornerstone idea from Orange that helps to inform  leaders on how to think small in their areas of life.   Instead of trying to influence hundreds of people, Lead Small helps us to think strategically on how we can influence a few. Whether it is ministry, in schools, or at work when you think small you discover a big impact. Lead Small has helped put relationships on the forefront of my mind, helped me discover new ways to connect with people and figure out how to walk alongside my few through life. 

What are some of your favorite books? What are owns that have change you and made you better. Comment and let me know.

Bullied

#misfits, adolescent, church, community, empathy, life, students, Uncategorized


bullied

I’ve been dealing with bullying a lot this week. Sometimes, people are just plain mean to each other. I am not always sure how to handle it and many times the students involved and the circumstances dictate the approach that you use. Something in me fires up when dealing with kids that are being bullied. When you dive into the issues though you often discover that both the victim and the bully need guidance and support.

This week a girl was crying in the hallway after she got punched and filed a report. I walked her down to the nurse to get some ice and just started asking what happened. She relayed her story and to be honest, some adults messed up in the story too. When she was asking her to tell her story I would make sure to have my phone away and then when she took a breathe I would recap what I was hearing so far. Practicing empathetic listening can go along way with someone who is being bullied. I got the information then I decided to communicate with people that needed to get involved further with disciplinary actions. I just made sure she was safe, she had a need met, and was simply heard.

During mediations with students sometimes kids rekindle past frustrations. When someone is amped up and quickly talking, on the verge of yelling, simply ask “can you slow down, I want to help?” This quick statement helps them to acknowledge they need to slow down but in a way that is non-threatening and allows you to say that you are here to help out. Allow for everyone speak, they should try to stick to their side of the story and how it made them feel and act. I ask a lot of clarifying questions and ask why a lot. It helps students to process their emotions and the situation at hand. I try to bring the bullies into a place of empathy with who they bullied, even with a small connection.

Often times, something is going on in the life of the bully that drives them to bullying behavior. I try to talk with them on the side quietly. I ask them questions about life, the emotions they are feeling and process why they would want to hurt someone else. You would be surprised at home many students lash out simply because they themselves have been bullied or hurt someone else simply to feel better about themselves. These can sometimes be tough because there is a misconception about bullies, being tough, and showing off for peers. Building a relationship with the bully is just as important as showing up for the victim. It can change a life.

When working with students you will encounter bullying. Social media, physical, verbal attacks, groups gossiping and even fights. How you step into the hurts of these students tell them a lot of you and about themselves. Be a bridge builder between people, develop their empathy towards one another and walk with them in the hurt.